omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
