I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
