new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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