I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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