just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
