sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
