im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
