The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize