I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
