Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
