the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
