I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
