i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
