my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
