For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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