Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
