Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
