There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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