I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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