Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
