if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
