after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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