i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
