And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
