everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this beer tastes like vomit already
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the raccoons are back...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
