he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
