You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my poor anus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
