This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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