the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
