Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
