Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize