My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
