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Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
