My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
