he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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