miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
