i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
