A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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