My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You took a bar mat shot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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