Don't you send me to vm
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
