she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
