This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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