I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
