carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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