First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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