you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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