Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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