you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
