bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
