Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize