Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
