I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
