At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
