Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
