yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
