She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
