I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
